Core Values and Assertiveness

Hi there 🙂

(This is a follow up post to the previous time and energy management opening, from last week.)

I like blogging for many reasons, and a main one being that I really like sharing systems, some experiences, or different things that I feel have worked/are working well for me and/or have worked well for others.

Also, this sharing, when I am sharing a personal system, can help me feel more organized, on task, helpful if something(s) happens to be helpful for another person, and more likely to follow through in a way that will help keep me enjoying it all.

Most of the time, I like to be busy, and I love working on projects that are meaningful to me, just really interesting, or both, but, without various ways of keeping myself organized, and without enough downtime, creative time, and general self-care time built in, things might not get done as well as I would have liked, or I could just end up feeling scattered and pulled in too many directions, perhaps doing many things but likely not doing many things well (or as well as I would like to- perfectionistic tendencies aside, lol).

There needs to be a balance of

  • Relaxation/restorative practices
  • Challenge/Stimulation
  • Social Connection (I don’t need a lot of this but do need some quality connecting time, and I think the sense of feeling connected, supported, and cared about is important for all of us to thrive)

The first thing that I feel is deeply important (vital) from my own experiences of not being clear about this (with myself and with others) along with listening and helping others as they define their own, is getting clear about core values.

For many reasons and most definitely for time management and effective goal reaching, I feel we need to know what’s important to us and what the larger goal is. If we don’t know, meaningless or ineffective busyness, or being and feeling pulled around all over the place (or perhaps doing nothing) can result. And we can get really, really tired.

This isn’t fun and if you’ve been there, as I think many of us have, we know just how not fun it can be.

What are your core values? If you aren’t sure (and it takes exploration and intentional introspection to figure these things out) here is an interesting Huffington Post article by Anne Loehr that can be helpful: How to live with Purpose, Identify Your Values, and Improve your Leadership (whatever you identify as your role in life, work, etc. this article has some really cool tips).

There are also many other helpful tools online for helping understand, define, and get clear about Core Values (a quick Google search will reveal this).

When we know what we stand for, what we want, and more about who we are as people, things like time management and all that can come along with efficient time management can become much easier (such as creating and maintaining healthy boundaries, healthy communication, choosing our support systems, prioritizing, following through with and focusing on tasks, etc).

Knowing our values and aiming to live and act in line with those values helps create an inner sense stability and strength, contentment, we can feel much better about our choices, we know who we are and who we can be, and we can be much more likely to actualize the potential we see and feel in ourselves. Others begin to sense this strength and inner stability, too.

Also, I think everyone likely goes through phases where we feel confused or unsure (maybe very confused and unsure and maybe many times.) I also think we will likely all need to re-visit and update our core values and our relationship to various things in our lives as we grow and change as people over time.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with that and there isn’t anything wrong with you if you feel confused (now or at any other point). I think very rarely do many people (even the most perceived successful people) have it all figured out all the time.

Something else that is really cool about knowing our core values and the self-respect and self-assurance that can come along with this, is that we begin to respect our limitations, ask for help more often when and where we need to, offer help where we can (because we want to and are able to), and learn to say no in an assertive way (a way that respects both ourselves and the other person(s) involved).

Here is a really potentially helpful article on assertiveness from mindtools: Assertiveness Tool

Also for assertiveness, a cool skill From DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) is a skill called a “Dearman.” Here is a link to this skill: DBT Dearman

I’m going to head off now. Soon, I want to get into more of the daily practices I’m working on integrating, along with daily practices others have found useful.

 

Thank you for reading and I hope you have a great day today.

Renee

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