I wasn’t really sure about writing this, but decided to share a few thoughts on this final choice here.
A few weeks back or so, as I began moving into a more structured stage prep, I decided I was not going to compete and I think (know) this is the best choice for me. My back and forth thinking about it since then has ceased, and it’s not something I am truly interested in doing.
I don’t think it’s that I can’t do it, I likely could- and the way changes began happening and in the ways I wanted them to, I know it wouldn’t take all that much to get to a competitive stage physique. But I don’t think I would be very happy doing it.
Actually, moving into it, I was starting to get a bit miserable. And I am not talking “miserable dieter” type miserable, lol, but more of a felt conflict with my true desires and my ego desires, you could say. I also believe I was looking for something to focus on and direct my attention to during a time of change. A strategy competing served for me for a few preps in the past (to the detriment of other things). But when you start to know what you are doing, and understand the functions some behaviours serve for you, it becomes more and more difficult to fool yourself, lol.
Competing doesn’t have to be a something I focus on, or direct tunnel vision to – and, when I am most honest with myself, along with the above thought in mind, it definitely wouldn’t be a something that would be very effective, enjoyable, or meaningful for me, overall. And the benefits (and there definitely could be some- as listed in a previous post), wouldn’t outweigh what I may be giving up or changing presently.
The energy and focus I would be using to prepare for a show, at this point, I would rather use to be more present to myself, for things I actually enjoy, like having solid and quality workouts in ways where I love and enjoy feeling strong and athletic.
To remain creative, calm, and present in my personal time.
And I want to remain present in the world: with those I work with and am really loving seeing grow and develop in various ways, and in my life with those I meet, interact with, love and care about.
For me at least, competing can take a lot of that presence and energy for those meaningful things away.
These are just a few things, but there are other reasons, too.
I guess you never know in the future, and it remains that I love supporting people in my life who may choose to be involved (if it’s something they want), but this is my choice now and, I feel, the right one for me.
Thanks for reading and I hope all you Mother’s out there are having a great Mothers’ Day.