I really thought about posting this for a long time after a Skype chat with an important person, some self-reflection and almost backed out. As a personal challenge for my work and growth I’ve done (and am constantly doing), I am posting this flag.
Does anyone know what this is?
This is a Pansexual flag.
Pansexuality is the attraction to individuals regardless of gender. I identify as Pansexual and what this means for me is I don’t see sex or gender as the primary attracting force when I care about someone and want to get to know them beyond platonic friends; I see the person, who they are and want to know that person (on multiple levels and in multiple was). That’s what attracts me- the person.
I always felt differently about how I viewed people and what I was taught was “normal” or “okay” from what I perceived and understood. This led to a lot of struggle and “numbing out” where I didn’t (and don’t) have to.
What’s okay and normal is what feels okay and normal for you. For us as individuals; awesomely different in many ways and awesomely similar in others. I’m owning this and it’s been a confusing and hard thing for me for a while (largely an internal battle manifesting in not very productive methods of coping and “lying” to myself and others a lot of the time.)
But here it is and now that I’ve spilled the beans, thank you for reading. And thank you to the people who love and accept me.
On that note: Yay for sexy amazing people!
Just be you and we can reach for support when we need or want it.
My therapist is amazing and I’m happy we very recently connected. If you’d like her name and contact, please let me know.
Just about finished doing the PN Level 1 re-do (there have been 2 more volumes since I completed this and I’m also up for recert in a month or so).
This is one of my favourite chapters: Chapter 15: Special Scenarios, the disordered eating section. “Having good boundaries also means being aware of your own Disordered Eating tendencies and behaviours. It’s very common for people working in nutrition to have their own ‘secret’ problems with food, eating/not-eating, control, and body image. Don’t keep those problems secret. Go and get the help you need.”
I feel that often behaviours seen as normal in the fitness industry can often disguise disordered eating (and other struggles). I also think we can fool ourselves into believing things are “normal” because of goals that can make potentially disordered behaviours seem more acceptable (even if they may be hurting us).
This is not a statement to say choices to reach fitness goals, or to engage in various choices, are “wrong” but I think (for our health, wellbeing, and the people we love) it’s important to explore choices, methods, patterns, etc. and to get very honest about why we’re making the choices we’re making, how these choices may be impacting our lives, values and goals and reassess regularly.
Have good people in your corner and, if you need help, reach out to someone you trust. Having a level headed person to bounce ideas off of and to help us maintain and reach attainable/realistic goals can be super invaluable (maybe lifesaving).
Also, I think it’s okay for us to admit we just cannot be around or work with certain circumstances as we go through or work on our own stuff (whether temporarily or forever).
It’s painful but liberating to acknowledge and admit to personal problems and challenges that we may need help with. It’s just plain painful when we don’t admit to these (normal) struggles and continue to cycle through repetitive behaviours or circumstances we know on some level we can move beyond and are stronger than.
I don’t think we need to be paranoid but we can pay attention to how others speak about other people and situations to you (and how you speak about others and situations, as well).
I think we’ll often find common themes here and I think it’s one of the easiest ways to figure out who we can trust, who we want to get close to and how to correct our own behaviour if we’re talking about others or about things that are not ours to talk about (aka: none of our business).
“Physiologically, emotions are themselves electrical, chemical and hormonal discharges of the human nervous system…Repression—dissociating emotions from awareness and relegating then to the unconscious realm—disorganizes and confuses our physiological defences so that in some people these defences go awry, becoming the destroyers of health rather than its protectors.” Dr Gabor Mate from his book When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress.
This excerpt is from one of the beginning sections where he introduces Psychoneuroimmunology (the science of the interactions of mind and body). We have to “feel to heal” and to function well. It isn’t “touchy feely stuff” to get in touch with what’s going on with us emotionally; it’s necessary for overall health and wellbeing.
I love this excerpt and the examples of the mind body connection in this book.
If you’re interested in learning more about the costs of hidden stress and the mind-body connection, this book is really amazing and very accessible.
“We all know the script: it is etched onto your subconscious, like the correct direction to look when you cross the street. Treat drug users and addicts as criminals. Repress them. Shame them. Coerce them into stopping. This is the prevailing view in almost every country in the world…punishing and shaming drug users only makes them worse-and creates a blizzard of other problems for the society. I argued instead for a second strategy-legalize drugs stage by stage, and use th…e money we currently spend on punishing addicts to fund compassionate care instead.” Johann Hari from the book Chasing the Scream.
This is one of the best books I’ve ever read and, whatever your stance on drug use, addiction, legalization, criminalization, etc. you may find yourself challenged or possibly supported after reading the views and experiences of various individuals mentioned in this book along with the comparisons of countries who do legalize (Portugal) and those that punish. This book offers some really interesting looks into the lives of those who use, sell, work at the policy creation level, and how all individuals impact the other. Definitely recommended!
“Our world requires that decisions be sourced and footnoted, and if we say how we feel, we must also be prepared to elaborate on why we feel that way…We need to respect the fact that it is possible to know without knowing why we know and accept that – sometimes – we’re better off that way.” From Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, one of my favourites ever.
Sometimes we “just know” things and I love how Blink explains thin-slicing, hunches, etc. If you’re interested in reading more about accurate snap judgements, hints of “just knowing,” etc. From the position of a brilliant mind and the people he’s included in his work, this is definitely recommended.